A Life of Chasing Butterflies
by Arisadonna
Summary: As Ichigo Momomiya prepares to get married to her longtime love, Ryou Shirogane can only stand by and watch, wondering if he's lost his final chance to tell her how he feels about her.


So, this story's gonna get me shot. I see it now. Anyway, this is just my one-shot at writing something angsty and emo and stuff. o.O Note that the first half was written a LONG time ago, probably around when I was in the middle of writing Escape (which I haven't even worked on in years) and the second half was written like today, so yeah. So, basically, this story is a mix of how I used to write and how I write now. The characters are probably very OOC, so you can shoot me now, if ya want. Even if you don't like the way the story turns out, I hope you still like it in some way or another? Err, go ahead and flame me if you want, when it's over. I'm gonna die, aren't I? T-T

**A LIFE OF CHASING BUTTERFLIES**

The reflection that was placed before me stared straight back revealing to me everything I hated. It revealed a young blond man filled with loneliness and utter regret about each and every single action made throughout his life. This reflection was of me. I, the hands behind what was called the "Mew Project" and son of a great scientist and so much more. But this did not describe what I am about to tell you. I wish to tell you of a loss faced after finding the only hope I had left.

I stand here, years after the death of my parents, as well as the beginning of the Mew Project. I stand here, preparing myself for the arrival of a wedding. I wish I could say that it was my own wedding I was to attend. But sadly, it happens to belong to the luckiest man on Earth, which so happened to not be me.

Aoyama Masaya. He was lucky indeed. He was one every girl dreamed of marrying. It just so happened that the lucky girl who was about to get this wish was the same one I had fallen in love with. This girl was not just any girl at all. She was a total idiot. She never knew what she was talking about or even what was going on. She was pretty much a complete clutz, not to mention, there were so many things she was horrible at doing. But she was everything to me.

She has always been just plain beautiful. The kind of beautiful which gives you these butterflies that just make you want to fall at her feet. The fact that she's so dumb can't really help but make you smile at how much innocence of a child she had. And though it had taken some realization, I had always known how in love I was with her. The problem had never been trying to make notice of it, it had been to actually confess to her how I felt. But that never happened.

Even if I went to her and said the right words and everything she would want to hear, there were no possibilities of us being together. She had always been in love with Aoyama and her happiness was in his own hands. I had nothing to do with it.

To me, she had been a sort of butterfly. Butterflies are some of the greatest sights ever to been seen by human eyes. So beautiful, yet so difficult to lay your hands upon them. I always think of myself as a little boy, chasing after this butterfly. Just like a puppy, chasing it can be such a joy and you never seem to tire of it. But the possibilities of catching it are nearly impossible. Even if the little boy had been lucky to catch it and place it in a jar, not too long after, it will begin to slow down its fluttering of the wings. Eventually, it will die, completely losing its life. The best thing to do before it dies, is to let it go once again and set it free in a garden for it to continue to live happily.

Ichigo is a butterfly. Trying to be with her can be quite a chase and even if I am able to catch her, she'd never be happy with me. Even if I happened to be everything she wanted and everything she needed, I would still mean nothing to her, which leads me to where I am.

I stand there at the beautifully decorated garden of white jasmines and silver ribbons. The wind began to blow strongly, as it seemed like the warning of an upcoming storm. I stand there alone, though completely surrounded by friends and family of the couple about to be wed. Most of them I do not happen to recognize, aside from the other mews who were away helping Ichigo get dressed for the ceremony.

Personally, I preferred not to see Ichigo in her wedding gown, knowing that the sight would only make my wanting to be with her become greater. My wishes were completely against me when Purin had jumped in front of me, as if from no where.

"Come see! Come see!" She shouted, which such excitement, though it was no surprise to me, for Purin was excited about most things. She was no longer a child, but she still had that jumpy attitude that had been in her for years.

Still, I had no idea what exactly she wanted for me to see. I really hadn't been in the mood for such exciting things anyway, since I was currently in the middle of my self-pity of being alone and completely Ichigo-less. "Come see what? I don't think there's anything else that I prefer to see right now. I think the overly-decorated garden has lost me of my sight by this time." I answered to her quite coldly, though I did not intend on it.

Being how she was, she completely ignored my tone, and grabbed my wrist, dragging towards a small white-painted shack a few ways from the garden. "Come see! Come see! Na no da!"

I still had not known what I should have so much seen. As she opened the door to the shack, it made a slight squeak as I placed my eyes into the room. There wasn't much to "see" except for Zakuro and Retasu sitting on a small simple daisy-patterned sofa at the side.

Retasu gave me a small smile, bowing her head. "Hello, Shirogane-san," she greeted to me, though I was still faced with the same confusion I had when I was being dragged.

"Hi …" I didn't give much of a greeting, since I wasn't joined with everyone else's excited mood. "What's going on? Purin wanted me to see something."

They all simply threw smiles at my direction as I watched Minto enter from another small room in the shack. "Isn't she so beautiful?" She said to me, as I placed my eyes on what everyone had rushed me to come see.

She stepped out of the small room dressed in a glittery white strapless satin gown, topped with a smile on her face. Her red hair, which had grown longer throughout the years, was slightly curled and gave out sparkles from slight specks of glitter being added to it. Truly, she was the most beautiful being I had laid my eyes upon.

Bringing her hands together behind her back, she shifted from one foot to another, looking at me nervously. "Is it that bad?" She asked, biting her lower lip.

It was then that I realized my mouth had been dropped down wide from looking at her and my face had a complete blank expression. "Uh … oh! No, no!" I protested, shaking my head quickly, losing my usual cool act. Normally, I'd give a simple rude comment or say something slightly mean about her appearance to see her get red and angry, but there was no possibility of doing that now.

"You look … look …" I was never one to say that word to her, but I couldn't hold it back then. "… beautiful." I noticed her face turn a shade of red as I said the words. She looked down at the wooden floor, away from me.

Zakuro and Retasu stood from the sofa, walking outside of the shack, with Minto and Purin in tow. "Ichigo, we're going to go check on the guest. We'll be back as soon as possible, okay?" Minto whispered, shutting the door behind her, after receiving a nod from Ichigo in reply.

Being alone with her in the shack had been one of my last expectations. As she finally looked back up at me, seeming calmer, I realized that I had been the one who grow more nervous of the two of us. I placed my hands in my pockets of my suit, as I pinched on the inside fabric to control my nerves, as my hands began to slightly shake. All this had been new to me, for never in my life, had I ever become nervous in front of Ichigo.

The shack began to shift slightly as another strong wind blew against the windows. These constant winds seemed to show a sign of weather filled with bad luck. Focusing my attention to the side window, I had finally brought up the courage to speak. "Looks like a storm, doesn't it?"

She stared at the window as well, losing the smile she had once before, shaking her head, as she protested. "That can't be possible. The news clearly said that it'd be bright and sunny today. There cannot be a storm on my wedding day!"

The word "wedding" was never one of my favorites. At least it wasn't a favorite when it was about "Ichigo and Masaya's Wedding". Ignoring the word, I sighed, sitting down on the sofa as I placed my head on the cushion behind me. "Well, it's a clear fact to never trust the weather man. He always lies." Realizing I had just been making her more worried, I tried to take back my comment. "Don't worry. I'm sure things will be just fine. It's probably just a slight breeze."

Being successful in fixing her mood, she nodded her head, giving a slight smile. It was strange. It had been her wedding day, yet she didn't seem as happy as most brides would be. I couldn't quite make much of it. Was she just upset about the storm or did it go deeper than that? She turned her face to me, having a rare serious expression on her face. "Do you think this is the right choice?"

That had completely caught me off guard. I was pretty sure that she was speaking of getting married, but I decided to pretend I had no idea. "Well, the ribbons are pretty weird, but the choice of jasmines was nice. The garden wedding was a pretty good idea overall, though."

She gave a fake chuckle, shaking her head. "I mean about getting married to Masaya. Is this the right thing to do? I know I love him and everything, but it just feels like there's something completely wrong with this picture."

To me, everything had been completely wrong with the picture. But I couldn't understand why she was feeling the same thing. How could it be wrong? Wasn't this what she wanted? It took quite a long moment for me to actually think up of the right words to tell her. Rising from my seat, I stood up close and next to her, returning the serious glance. "No one, much less myself, knows the right choices from the wrong. But as long as you know that you are happy with the choices you're making, then it couldn't be any more right."

Staring at me for a long moment of silence, Ichigo simply nodded her head. "I am happy about this. I want to marry him. But … I just feel like there's something else I don't quite see." She was right about that. She didn't know about me. About my feelings for her. And there wasn't much she could do to get me to say the words to her out loud.

Suddenly, there was a loud strike of lightning as the shack shook violently, sending Ichigo flying forward into my arms. At any other moment, I looked more into this, but something was wrong. I looked out the window, where I saw a view of the garden where the ceremony was to be held. Tables and chairs were moving across the yard quickly as people tried to run through the wind to find shelter. It was then that hard drops of rain came down, wetting everyone and everything that stood outside.

"We have to get out of here!" I shouted down to her, as I continued to hold onto her to keep her from getting hurt or such. I felt it would be much safer if we had left the shack and run into the larger building nearby where everyone else was running for shelter. But as I tried to turn the handle of the door, it wouldn't move open.

Ichigo stared up at me, in confusion, as I tried to push open the door. "It won't move!" I said, though I tried to remain completely calm, though I knew we weren't safe in here, but I just couldn't seem to get the door to open.

"Maybe a table or something's blocking it," Ichigo noted me, seeming more clever than I was at that time. "We'll just have to stay here for a while." It was that comment that made me wonder how she seem to be more relaxed about the situation. Usually at risky and dangerous times like this, she'd go into a complete panic while she screamed like the world was ending, giving me a headache as I tried to just think of an idea to go through things safely.

Simply nodding my head, I began to wonder what was left for us to do. Even if we had stayed in the shack, our safety wouldn't be high and there'd be a huge risk of one of us getting hurt. I really didn't care much about anything happening to myself, but if there was harm to Ichigo, I do not know how I could deal with it.

"I'm sure the storm will pass soon and things can go back to normal. The wedding won't be entirely a mess. I'm sure you can have it inside the building." I told her quietly. At a time like that one, it was best to try and reassure her that everything would be fine. Honestly, I had no clue if things would be okay, but staying positive was always the best choice.

Ichigo stayed silent, as she stared out the window. By this time, water was dripping into the shack from the cracks in the wooden ceiling. "Maybe this is all some sort of sign."

I looked at her, filled with wonder. "What, the storm? Like I said, I'm sure it'll go away soon. It's probably not that big of a deal."

"No, I don't mean a sign of a storm. I meant, what if it's all a sign telling me to not get married to Masaya? Maybe I'm just making one big mistake." She said, with a serious tone. It was strange to me how she was acting, especially with me. It wasn't usual for her to talk about things like this to me.

"Ichigo ..." I really didn't know what to tell her. It seemed like everything she said led me to total confusion and uncertainty. "You love Aoyama, don't you? And we all know that he loves you. So what's the big deal? You two can just get married, have children, be happy, and get the fairytale ending you always wanted, right?"

She looked at me, not giving any expression in reply. She seemed so sad somehow and it couldn't hit me as to what was the reason for it. It was then that I noticed that her cheeks were wet. My first thought was that a drop of the rain had dripped on her face from the ceiling, but upon closer inspection, I could see that she was now crying. "I don't know what I want anymore, Ryou. I'm not sure of what I'm doing anymore."

I quickly stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. Maybe I just didn't want to see her cry. Maybe I just wanted to be able to hold her just for a moment. I don't know what my reason was for doing it, but I felt as if I just had to. She didn't pull away from me, and just wrapped her arms around me, as I heard her sniffling into my chest.

I pulled back slightly, to look at her face, and brought my hand to her face, in attempt to wipe away her tears. I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn't think of what to say. After all, what words could I choke out then that could make her feel better? How could I possibly be able to take her tears away? "Ichigo, I–"

I couldn't finish my sentence. Ichigo stood on her toes, and she leaned up, placing her lips on mine. She pulled back, not longer than a second later, to see my reaction. Of course, I stood there completely speechless, not quite understanding why she would do such a thing.

But forgetting that she was about to get married and forgetting that wasn't mine, I placed my hands on her face and pulled her in for another kiss.

This time, we didn't end it so soon. I continued kissing her, forgetting the reality that had tortured me for years. Even as the rain beat on the wooden roof, I could barely hear the sounds of the storm outside. And it seemed to me, that she couldn't either.

This was the girl I loved; the butterfly I had longed chased after, but couldn't touch. Yet at that moment, I was holding her close to me, pretending to believe that just for this moment, she could mine. Right there, I felt as if I had won over Aoyama, and that finally I was the one that she could love

Ichigo pulled her head back only by an inch to look at me. "Ryou?" She whispered, though I didn't respond. I just stared back at her, so that she knew she had my attention. She hesitated to speak for a moment, but then softly whispered the question to me, "Do you love me?"

I didn't say anything too quickly. I stared at her, sadly, seeing that it was the moment for my confession. She had to know how I felt about her; she _wanted_ to know. I couldn't possibly ignore her question, and opened my mouth to speak. "... Yes," I answered, quietly, kissing the side of her lip. "A thousand times, yes."

She said nothing in response. She brought her hand up, brushing back the hair from my face. She then kissed me again, pulling me closer.

I didn't quite know what all of this meant. I had told her how I felt, and instead of growing anger or ignoring it, she was kissing me. I touched her cheek, and felt them to be more wet than before. She was crying again.

I knew ... I _knew_ she did not love me the same way. I didn't pull away, but I ceased kissing her back and stood there as if frozen. I wasn't one to cry, and I especially wouldn't do it then, but I had felt as if I should or could have. Ichigo looked at my face, and just whispered, "Ryou?"

I looked at her face with complete sadness. I wanted to be with her. I really did. But I knew this wasn't right. This wasn't how things were supposed to be, despite how much I wanted to believe it. "We can't ... be doing this, Ichigo," I whispered, closing my eyes. "You need to go and get married to Masaya like you wanted."

She shook her head slowly, and tried to speak. "Ryou, I ... can't ... " She looked away from me, as the tears continued to fall from her face.

"No, Ichigo," I protested. This was killing me, but she had to come back to her senses. What was happening wasn't right. "You don't love me, and you know that. You love _him_," I told her, attempting to grab her arm, but she pushed me away. "You want to marry him. You just ... you're confused right now, but you know it's what you want. It's what you've always wanted."

"How could you know what I want?!" She asked, looking at me with soaking eyes.

I felt a lump in my throat, as I gave a long pause. "You're right. I don't know what you want," I said, before continuing. "But I do know that you don't want me. Right now ... right now, you may somehow love the idea of me, but you don't love _me_. And ... and we both know that."

She cried harder, as she covered her face with her hands, not daring to look straight at me. Knowing that if I looked at her any longer, I myself could probably end up in tears. So I turned away, facing the window. The sky was brightening up again, and the rain was dying down. I saw people exiting the building now, and going back outside into the garden to examine the damage done.

"The storm ... it's gone. They'll probably come looking for us now," I said, though she didn't move from where she was. Hesitating, I placed my hands on hers and pulled them away from her face, as she looked up at me. For a final time, I leaned down and kissed her lightly. "Despite the fact that you don't feel the same about me ... I do love you, and ... and I probably always will. And who knows? Maybe someday, you might be able to feel the same way I do," I told her. She remained completely still. "But right now, you have to go out and get married. You have to go be happy, Ichigo. That's all I ask of you."

She sniffed, and nodded slowly. "I'm ... I'm sorry, Ryou. For all of this."

I stayed silent, before I attempted to be my old self, and put on a smirk. "Well, you can make up for it with extra work hours when you get back from your honeymoon, got that?"

She laughed, shaking her head. She was prepared to say something, when there was a knock on the door, as shouts came from outside. "Ichigo?! Ichigo! Ryou! Are you in there?!" We looked to the door, as I rushed towards it and finally was able to push it open.

Outside were the girls who quickly rushed in and hugged Ichigo tightly, asking her if she was alright. She barely spoke, and simply nodded to them, as they apologized for the storm as if it had been their fault. Right then, Aoyama came rushing in, causing the girls to move aside, as he ran to Ichigo, and hugged her tightly. "Oh, gosh, Ichigo! I was worried about you! Are you alright?!" He asked her, as she mumbled a quick yes.

I sighed, seeing that I had no further business there. I stepped out of the shack, with my hands in my pockets, seeing that there was really no future for the two of us. She had found the one for her, and she was destined for happiness with him. I, on the other hand, stood back as I watched the two be wedded, not long after the two of us had been found.

Who knows if I was destined for love, whoever it may be with. Still, I knew that it didn't matter what my future was to bring; the one thing I knew for sure is that Ichigo was never going to leave my heart. She had grown to be a large part of me, and even if we weren't destined for one another, I would probably always love her.

As the crowd cheered for the newlyweds, I watched quietly, as Aoyama led his new wife into the car that would drive them to the airport for their honeymoon. I planned on leaving the scene right there, but before I could step away, I saw as Ichigo turned around, away from her new husband, to look straight at me.

She stared sadly, as I attempted to fake a smile to assure her that it was alright, even if I was still broken inside. She knew better than to believe I was alright, but nodded to me from a distance, and stepped into the car. The scene, seemed like it had been played in slow motion, and it was a moment that stayed in my mind.

It was a moment that made me realize that I had to let Ichigo go be happy, and try to find happiness for myself. Even if I couldn't be happy _with_ her, my happiness had to be somewhere. But it wasn't as though I would forget her. She had taken a part of me, and that wasn't something that would change.

Still, I, Ryou Shirogane, had a life to live, and I couldn't spend it that life simply chasing butterflies. Maybe it was hard sometimes to accept the harsh reality, but somewhere out there was a happy ending waiting for me. I convinced Ichigo to go find hers. Now it was my turn to find mine.

**-A Life of Chasing Butterflies, End.**

Holy crap! That was like the saddest thing I've ever written! T-T NEVER AGAIN will I write something where Ryou and Ichigo don't stay together. Cause damn it! IT'S HORRIBLE! T-T But I've had this angsty story planned since like forever, so it's about time I get it done. Despite the crappy ending, I don't think it's so bad. The characters sucked, yes, but whatever, I tried, right? D Don't worry, friends, any thing else I write will be happy!

Also, there's no cliffhanging-ness here! NO! Well, considering there's no continuation to this story, it's obvious that there isn't a cliffhanger. But, yeah, I should go worked on Thirty Kisses now. :P


End file.
